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About Varied / Hobbyist Member fryin' ryanMale/United States Recent Activity
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i answered the rhetorical test and failed
prayed while hitting my head so it would be heard
reacted poorly to the the words "no" and "sorry"
tried to insert my feelings into the equation
burned myself because that's what you do with trash
i got rejected
rejection is my greatest fear
because it means there is yet another person
that i am not good enough to spend any time with
rejection reinforces my suspiscion of inferiority
rejection means that i am not even human
rejection is truth extreme
one time i preemtively rejected someone
because their equation had no room for my feelings
we are friends still and there may yet be love there
but love can be a station that broadcasts to no one
sometimes it just goes off the air
rejection is swarm of static made of razors
Rejection
rejection is a tongue you cant stop biting down on...
Loading...
events transpire, shit happens
got this feeling i have become nothing
in your view and those around you
don't know why it matters but it does
it is connected to the pain switch in my chest
am i so little?  are you so much?
i shouldn't even care but i do
once we were connected a long time ago
i didn't sever the tie so who did?
was it you?  or was it somebody new?
i drift ever further away from the pontoon
try to reel me in on my inner tube
pulling the frayed end of rope from the water
vulnerable, pikes and gars circle for the slaughter
i cannot stop any of this so why fight it
nor can i show no emotion so why hide it
i can only hope the way i appear, eyes shining
is connected to the pain swith in your chest
but you probably just need to belch to rid it
ejected and dismissed by gas oh well
i look back at a time from before the arches fell
that is all i have, memories, it was great
get out while you can, go away, before it's too late
all emotion has gone sour, tainted
stained by my disease, a positive painted black
the dice came up all serpents that night
everyones hair was wild in spite
i knocked on the door and said words that were key
and vowed not to take part in the insanity

but strong cider is a crazy brew...

the door man smiled as he let me in
the room was filled with damsels and men
absorbed in games of drinking and chance
invited to join i softened my stance

because strong cider warms and persuades you...

smoke filled the air from cigars and pipes
an intoxicating smell both rich and ripe
hanging so thick in the air you could swim
in the corner on a stool, the barmaids child, lucky him

even the kid was into cups of cider mind you...

by now i was drunk, well into the night
in the next moment we froze like roaches in abrupt light
there came a rapping upon the door
everyone froze, chairs scooted on the floor

"to the back, it's the coppers!  all to the the trap door!"
everyone scrambled to get under the floor
a latch was thrown, shelves of liquer dropped into the cellar
along with the whole room down to the last fellow

packed like sardines down in the dark
so drunk were some that they snickered and barked
one calm fellow thoughtfully puffed his pipe
while a damsel had shat herself and was very ripe

i hadn't spilled a drop in my cup so i downed it...

then a commotion came from upstairs
beating on the floor to find hollows 'neath there
soon all was quiet we thought it a trick
then the trapdoor lifted, we had fooled those dicks
up in the room and relieved as hell
i turned the crank that lifted the liquer shelves
soon the party was roaring again
on with the night!  more cider and gin!
Prohibition, Cider And Gin
i hope it went something like that, if not, and alternate fantasy reality?
Loading...
everything fades
even guilt goes away
through confession or time
the mechanism unwinds
love dies in absence
only hate spans generations
writing in stone weathers
suffering changing translation
the original script is flipped
pages turn and now they are ripped
everything fades
just go away
let me fade away
can't tell if i'm paranoid
got that in my head
people try to break inside
so i set traps then wait and hide
no one's home or am i?
when i snap please don't cry
slicker than lotion
the shit i set in motion
things you don't expect
my "fuck you" bat
will break your neck
woops i didn't mean it
time to dispose
time to clean it
sorry i was paranoid
got it in my head
coming from everywhere in multitudes
coming around to feed on you
the simple ones only want your blood
but some want favors, money or love
every one sick in some way
and you have the cure
the thing that makes them sane
cigarette mosquitos sucking up your smokes
flease cling precariously
wont let go without some money
worst of all are the favor ticks
calling on favors owed
that do not even exist
they think you owe them something
for something that they did
parasites need DDT
their something for nothing asses
need to stay away from me

Journal History

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Negative-Pallor's Profile Picture
Negative-Pallor
fryin' ryan
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
My name is Ryan Miller. I like to draw, mess with imagery on the gimp and other digital applications, and I like to write. I have even been paid a small amount for a published piece or short horror fiction entitled Shaman in a collection called When Nightmares Fall. Most of my visual art starts as a pencil or pen drawing and gets finished up eventually on the computer. I like the outdoors but should probably spend more time there. My outdoor hobbies include swimming, nature hikes, and medicinal herb cultivation (not weed, although I smoke plenty), and I would like to start fishing and camping more. I used to hunt a lot but shied away from guns when I became mentally unstable, however I have many archery trophies and may start hunting again with a bow or crossbow. The only thing I've killed with a bow was a squirrel, a hard target to hit, and I have killed three deer, and countless squirrels and rabbits with rifle and shotgun. I like to gig, the art of spearing fish and frogs with a long forked pole from either boat, shore, or wading water, although it's been a few years since I have owned a license to do so (I am below middle class and am on a tighter budged than I used to be), although I grew up in a middle class setting .
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:iconcopper9lives:
copper9lives Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:wave: Hello, and welcome to :iconpoetryparadise:!

We're happy to have you aboard! If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please :note: the group and your friendly neighborhood admins will get back to you ASAP.

Currently, we're hosting a monthly contest — check it out!

:heart:
Copper
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:icondarkzonegraphics:
DarkZoneGraphics Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for the :+fav:s for Spikor and Cthulhu for Charity
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:iconnegative-pallor:
Negative-Pallor Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome
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:iconwindspirit-aquaeris:
Windspirit-Aquaeris Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks a lot for the watch :happybounce:
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:iconnegative-pallor:
Negative-Pallor Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome
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:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner May 2, 2014   Writer
A late thank you for the favorite. :heart:
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:iconnegative-pallor:
Negative-Pallor Featured By Owner May 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome
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:icondirtyvermin:
DirtyVermin Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you kind sir!
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:iconnegative-pallor:
Negative-Pallor Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome
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:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014   Writer
Thank you kindly for the favorite. :thanks:
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